It's Easier To Be Lindsay Lohan Than Arnold Schwarzenegger

Hi, it’s me, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Welcome back to my webpage. I see Lindsay Lohan went to the doctor saying she had an appendicitis and they immediately believed her. Good for her. It’s a little harder to convince people you’re hurt when you’re the Terminator. That is my curse. Take my recent femur fracture on the ski slopes for example. After I hurt it, I told Maria, “Hey, I think I broke my femur in two,” and she just said, “Yeah, right. Is this another one of your jokes?” Then I said, “Not this time, Maria. I’m telling you: it really hurts.” But she still didn’t believe me. So after I did a few more runs on the mountain, I told my friends, “Hey, I wasn’t kidding back there. My femur definitely needs repair,” and they just said, “Haha, very funny, Arnold. Why don't you get a knife, cut the fake skin on your leg and show us your tunsgten titanium femur which can't be broken because that alloy is indestructible?" I told them, "Please, listen to me, that movie is science fiction, my fractured femur is science reality." I showed them the bone sticking through my skin and they just laughed. "Nice special effects, Arnold." So I went to the bar for a couple of drinks to relieve my pain and, thank God, I ran into a Venezuelan orthopedic surgeon who had never seen the Terminator. Long story short: Lindsay doesn’t know how good she's got it.

I Could Use a New Femur

How are you? It's me Arnold Schwarzenegger. As many of you know, I broke my leg while skiing. Thank you for the kind thoughts by email. But please no more phone calls. My cell bill will be ridiculous. So far there has been no official statement about my accident. So I want to go on the record for how it happened. I was racing Pierce Brosnan down a hill in Sun Valley. And you know, he still thinks he's James Bond and he makes everything, even skiing, some kind of crazy competition. Well, even though I am now a statesman, I still have that competitive drive. So I go after him at my top speed. Then Pierce takes a dangerous short cut off the main run. So, not to be outdone, I follow. But he's smaller than me and that little weasel can squeeze between the pine trunks and overhanging branches. But my massive frame, bulked up from years of weightlifting, turns me into a human battering ram. After several head, face and chest hits with sharp pine branches, I decided to make a hard turn for a clearing. Bad move. It looked like a clearing but it was actually a cliff. I was airborne for a long time, and when I finally landed, I heard my femur snap. Fortunately, Pierce is a good guy and even though he broke his arm and his shoulder blade going through the trees, he came back to help me. He built an Indian travois out of branches and dragged me back to the lodge where I am now resting comfortably. I guess our days as 007 and the Terminator are over.