I am on Team "Britney Spears Was Tired"

Hello, it’s your friend Arnold Schwarzenegger with an update on Britney Spear’s New Year’s Eve “passing out” crisis. Looks like the jury’s still out as to whether she was tired or drank too much. I happen to know for a fact that she was just tired. I mean, wouldn’t you be if you were running around in my dreams all night? HA HA HA. Do you get it? The joke I came up with? God, why is it I never have a pen when I think of these things!

Happy New Year from Your Future President

How are you? Happy New Year. It's hard to believe it's already 2007. On the other hand, some people find it hard to believe that I am the governor of California. That's the thing about the future. Even though it's hard to believe something will happen, that doesn't stop it from happening. That is why I believe I can become President of the United States. Even though I am a cybernetic machine and current law requires that a President must be a human being doesn’t mean it can't happen. Look at Lance Armstrong. His doctors said he was a dead man. Then he went on to prove them all wrong and win the Tour de France. The odds against him were far greater than the odds against me becoming President. It's one tiny little Constitutional law that can be smashed down when the opportunity is right. So I am just waiting. Waiting for the opportunity to make my move. Waiting for the future to make one of those seemingly "impossible" turns that will put me in the White House as President of the United States. That will be a great day for all the machines in America.

My Apology Week

Good morning. How are you? This is the week between Christmas and New Years when not much goes on in the world. It is a time to forget about work, kick back, and watch a movie or try on those socks you got for Christmas. It's a time to think about all the bad things you did last year and maybe go around and apologize to the people you offended. Maybe you groped some girl at work. Or maybe you pinched a particularly nice ass. Or maybe you couldn't help yourself and cupped a couple of pert breasts with your hands at the water cooler. Maybe you even went so far as to force a woman to have sex with you, pinning her down and, when she tried to resist, telling her, "Do pretend! I know you like it!" Well, this is the time of year to go around and say "I'm sorry." I have devoted seven full days for my apologies this year. I hope the good example I am setting catches on and others join me. It will make for a better world.