It's Easier To Be Lindsay Lohan Than Arnold Schwarzenegger

Hi, it’s me, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Welcome back to my webpage. I see Lindsay Lohan went to the doctor saying she had an appendicitis and they immediately believed her. Good for her. It’s a little harder to convince people you’re hurt when you’re the Terminator. That is my curse. Take my recent femur fracture on the ski slopes for example. After I hurt it, I told Maria, “Hey, I think I broke my femur in two,” and she just said, “Yeah, right. Is this another one of your jokes?” Then I said, “Not this time, Maria. I’m telling you: it really hurts.” But she still didn’t believe me. So after I did a few more runs on the mountain, I told my friends, “Hey, I wasn’t kidding back there. My femur definitely needs repair,” and they just said, “Haha, very funny, Arnold. Why don't you get a knife, cut the fake skin on your leg and show us your tunsgten titanium femur which can't be broken because that alloy is indestructible?" I told them, "Please, listen to me, that movie is science fiction, my fractured femur is science reality." I showed them the bone sticking through my skin and they just laughed. "Nice special effects, Arnold." So I went to the bar for a couple of drinks to relieve my pain and, thank God, I ran into a Venezuelan orthopedic surgeon who had never seen the Terminator. Long story short: Lindsay doesn’t know how good she's got it.

I'm Here For You, Lindsay Lohan

Hey, it’s me, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Governor of California. I would like to reach out to Lindsay Lohan on her journey to become sober. May I suggest some activities that she could do to keep from thinking about drinking. Things like making a sandwich then making another sandwich and seeing if you can make it bigger than the first one. Maybe round up some goats and start your own farm with cows and ears of corn. You could also invent something that hasn’t even been thought of yet. Or memorize all the letters of the alphabet then mix them up to make words like “basketball” and “pizza ball”. Even words without the word “ball”, like, I don’t know—I’m sure there’s lots of them.